NOT AS IT WAS

2007-03-09T09:20:00.000+11:00

R.I.P. SHANE CROSS

2006-04-01T14:09:00.000+11:00

CULTS?!

2006-03-29T21:32:00.000+11:00

I GOT THIS BROCHURE OFF SOME DIRT STINK HIPPY IN CAIRNS.

HE INTERRUPTED MY READING OF A GOOD BOOK.

SEEMS I GOT A GOOD BOOK MARK OUT OF THE DISRUPTION...

PAGE 1

CULTS?!

2006-03-29T21:28:00.000+11:00

PAGE 2

CULTS?!

2006-03-29T21:25:00.000+11:00

PAGE 3

CULTS?!

2006-03-29T21:11:00.000+11:00

PAGE 4

excrement...

2006-03-11T00:20:00.000+11:00

CHEWING GUM. EXCESS CONSUMPTION MAY HAVE A LAXATIVE EFFECT. (POO)

JACK BLACK IN 'ENVY' WITH VA'POO'RIZE!

MEXICAN FOOD. WHEN THIS TURNS TO POO IT WILL PROBABLY BURN!

DELTA GOODREM. MUSIC POO!

KANGAPOO!!

BUSH FLAG IN POO!

WINNIE THE POOH!

BIG OLD ELEPHANT POO!

TOP OR BOTTOM? IT'S FIVE ANYWAY.

2006-03-02T18:10:00.000+11:00

OH MY. TV. THAT SQUARE LOUNGEY GOD SOMETIMES MAKES YOU WONDER WHERE SOCIETY TRIPS AND STUMBLES. SOMETIMES SOCIETY FALLS A OVER TOO, TO LAND FACE DOWN IN A PILE OF THE WORLDS STINKIEST EXCREMENT...

Remember Sea Quest? It's probably best if you don't. Sorry to have to remind you.

And Full House? The show that gave those glorious Olsens the key to the doors of our hearts. That poor middle one. No one remembers her name and she got addicted to powdering her nose. Also, who could forget Bob Saget, the dad who tried to keep everything running smooth? He is possibly the worst actor ever to grace the small screen we love to adore so.

Saved by the Bell!!! Screech is like vice principal or something on the new series. A little bit of hope spread over the loser population the day Screech got that job. "Maybe one day i won't be a loser no more pop", was heard echoing round the globe... Rad.

Hey Dad. Fuck yeah. One for the patriots. Home grown A grade bullshit right here. Betty. The fat kid. And the dad! Could be Australia's version of Saget.

Beverly Hills 90210. We all know too well about this hit! Remeber when Steve said, 'Give me some sugar'? I missed that episode but i saw the offensive dialogue spoken on an ad for that nights show. It was the first time i'd heard that infamous line too. WOO HOO. I bet that soundtrack was pretty dodgy too.

@ RUBY"S

2006-02-08T18:09:00.000+11:00

THE TRUE STORY OF STONE SOUP. AS TOLD BY ME, VILLAGE KING. pt3

2006-02-03T12:03:00.000+11:00

THE TRUE STORY OF STONE SOUP. AS TOLD BY ME, VILLAGE KING
An Educational, Quin-Lingual Journey through Non-Linear Time

De Home poured in a bucket of my most valuable grains of savoury enhancer. Extremely heavy enhancer that I had carried over the vast stretches of the Sahara Desert four decades earlier for use as an antibiotic, salary (which is a word derived from salarium argentum which means ‘salt money’) for my Roman Centurians who I used as colourful decorations in the arid surroundings and to buy slaves with from the bandits scattered throughout the boulders and low-lying foothills close by. De Home then smiled broadly at my genius proposal of pepper being included to compliment the condiment he had predictably chosen for reasons of taste. He pledged life allegiance to I several times and I thought out loud, “It shall be a short allegiance, Waste of Air, if you do not proceed with due pace!”
In went the pepper and following it, the ladle, stirring once clockwise then once anti-clockwise. Drawing out the large spoon, De Home noisily slurped some of the soup. “An exquisite flavour, yet there may still be something missing…”
“This is taking far too long. My patience is becoming as thin as your hair you floundering trout whom I loathe more with every second I pass unfed. Use what you must, though if your actions are not swift, my platinum-toed boots encountering your corpulent behind shall be and death dealt by my twin-edged-axe wielding, sociopathic Mysterious Purple Monkey’s will be the dessert of your next sample!”
De home moved briskly, swiftly, nevertheless it was not and I gained minimal relief from my advancing voracity by contemplating further elaborate ways to threaten him.
I had Igor carry me to the sanctuary of the back of my kitchen where I would be the farthest from De Home while still able to keep a vigilant eye on the malodorous drifter. To relieve more boredom I had the ogre like guards of my dungeon lug thirteen of my French and Portuguese prisoners to my execution yard, which I could view from the kitchen window I had positioned myself in front of. I had my boy slave untie the detainees’ shackles and watched jubilantly as my riflemen played fish in a barrel and listened gladly to their cheers when one of the captives would fall.At last, just as the final cheers went up and resounded through the tenements of my glorious stronghold, De Home declared that the soup was now, indeed ready and fit to be consumed by I. “Serve I a bowl then!” I turned my head upward and implored the ceiling, “Why must I endure the presence of such pitiful, boarish, inhuman types?”

still more to come...

THE TRUE STORY OF STONE SOUP. AS TOLD BY ME, VILLAGE KING. pt2

2006-02-01T11:38:00.000+11:00

THE TRUE STORY OF STONE SOUP. AS TOLD BY ME, VILLAGE KING

An Educational, Quin-Lingual Journey through Non-Linear Time

In the kitchen I commanded De Home, “Cast down your stone and have it bear soup!”
“God of my life…”
“As I should be.” I felt compelled to stately interrupt yet again.
“I will need use of your cauldron. And water.”
Due to my curiosity, ‘twas my will to allow him use of both.
“Witches! Flee now from my cauldron or suffer the sting of my sabre!”
My witches scurried from my presence and left my cauldron pristine as is stated in the contract their lives are bound by. “Now, De Home. Cook me soup!
De Home began to arrange flaming logs beneath my cauldron and soon the many litres of water within were boiling furiously. Sitting in the bottom of the cauldron was the magic stone. After ten minutes of observing the bubbling contents of my giant tub I was understandably irritated at having not yet been offered refreshment of the magical soupy variety. “De Home. Scum of the earth and bane of my minute. Is the soup yet ready for I to devour?”
“I will check now S…” He started.
“Then stop your incessant blabbering and tweetering and do so you foolhardy pain to my ears!” was the conclusion I gave him.
With some unwarranted confidence the scouse did dip a ladle from my bluestone wall into the vat of clear liquid. He lifted it to his dry filthy lips and sucked it back.
“Well?”
With a curious furrow upon his brow, he too slowly informed me, “It is good, however,” his use of the word however caused me to wretch dryly for he was attempting seemingly to appear more intelligent than reality suggested. “If it were to have a little salt added, I believe it would improve threefold, oh Lord of all Men, Women, Children and Swine.”
If salt was all the dish needed to be improved thrice then I would consent to it, bothered greatly or no.“Add the salt promptly Man-Swine or have my excessively large golden anvil break your feet and my priceless sickle of blinding emerald shave your head from your shoulders!”

still to be continued...

these are five of my favourite t-shirts. i like t-shirts.

2006-01-31T12:27:00.000+11:00

The offical 2005 meridith music festival TEAM WASTED t-shirt run. i'm quite happy with how it turned out.

belle and sebastian bookworm t-shirt i got from their concert in '04.
pretty much my first t-shirt design. i love it.
ren and stimpy. i shan't say any more.

wussup haters! baker punk, shane heyl's signature tee

THE TRUE STORY OF STONE SOUP. AS TOLD BY ME, VILLAGE KING. pt1

2006-01-27T13:58:00.000+11:00

THE TRUE STORY OF STONE SOUP. AS TOLD BY ME, VILLAGE KING
An Educational, Quin-Lingual Journey through Non-Linear Time

As I sat in my alcazar, reclined luxuriously upon my throne and over seeing the great depression, a boy-slave I owned came to me with tidings of a destitute outsider at my drawbridge requesting counsel with I.
“Drag him by his flanks to my toes!” I ordered my boy-slave, “And do it at a trot, I haven’t all minute you know!” I considered he probably did not know, being but an uneducated heathen boy-slave as he was. I would later tan his bare pink hide for his lack of brain size.
The outsider was dragged to me, his mouth taped shut as is the rule for all visitors to my abode so I may have the pleasure of tearing it off as fast or as slow as my desire dictates. I tore it from his face quicker than what most would consider humanly possible and listened with utter indulgence to his screams as they echoed through my chambers.
“Well?” I purely yelled at the man I would dub De Home.
“Sir Village King. Master of Sky, Sea and Land…”
“Yes. I am.” I felt was an appropriate interruption.
“…I…”
“What is that clutched in your wretched paws?” I interrogated and once more interrupted.
“A magic stone my liege.”
“And what exactly is so magic about your stone De Home scrag?”
“It can be used to make soup Village King.”
“Oh it can, can it? I shall let you demonstrate the power of the stone to I and possibly let you live, for my hunger doth grow. I’ve not eaten all hour.” I injected (injected is a word I invented centuries ago when I became tired of the word ‘fill’ in all its forms and variants) an abundance of arrogance into my tone so De Home would realise how fortunate he was so far not being scalped and fed to my servile pets known as ‘The Natives’ to My Town. “Bring forth the stone to my kitchen.” I then turned to my Russian hulk, “Igor! I and my throne to the kitchen post-haste! You, De Home. Follow, bowing every three steps.”
Then, like moths to a flame, swarms of indescribably desirable wenches flocked to I and showered my path with a myriad of brightly coloured and sweetly scented lily petals. They gasped in awe at my every move, as their life-long training had taught them, lest they be slaughtered and sold as over priced offal to the caretaker of my caged whale exhibit.

to be continued...

A to Z #2

2006-01-17T12:03:00.000+11:00

a- avalanches, the; A.I.H; air; animals, the; augie march
b- belle and seabastian; beatles, the; black sabbath; beastie boys, the; bowie, david; blur; beck
c- cornershop; cure, the; cash, johnny; chemical brothers, the; clash, the; custard; C.W.Q
d- dylan, bob; datarock; dresden dolls, the; decemberists, the; dandy warhols, the; del tha funkee homosapien; disaster plan
e- eels, the
f- franz ferdinand; future heads, the
g- gerling; guided by voices; give goods; go! team, the
h- handsome boy modelling school
i- interpol; iggy pop; isaak, chris
j- joy division; jethro tull
k- kool keith; kills, the
l- leo; lions light; lennon, john
m- my drug hell; magnet; mess hall, the; misfits, the; massive attack
n- new order; neon
o- orbison, roy; osbourne,ozzy
p- pulp; placebo; pixies, the; portishead; pictures, the; primal scream; presets, the
q- quasimodo
r- ramones, the; reed, lou; rocket science; radiohead; raveonettes, the
s- sodastream; supergrass; sonic animation; sex pistols, the; stooges, the; strokes, the; stevens, cat; steppenwolf; stands, the; scissor sisters, the
t- talking heads; tremors, the
u- ultramagnetics
v- velvet underground, the; von bondies, the; vanilla ice; violent femmes, the
w- ween; white stripes, the; wolfmother
x- (as hard as 'q')
y- young, neil
z- zombies, the

'time to go to church kids'

2006-01-16T14:05:00.000+11:00

A to Z #1

2006-01-15T15:47:00.000+11:00

a- anachronistic
b- benevolent
c- crucify
d- derivation
e- existential
f- fluency
g- gratuitous
h- harbinger
i- indium
j- juggle
k- keg
l- linguistic
m- malignant
n- neolithic
o- overt
p- procephalic
q- quintessential
r- rabble
s- skateboard
t- toadflax
u- ubiquitous
v- vernacular
w- whimsical
x- xiphius
y- yare
z- zelophobia

ODE TO DATAROCK

2005-12-24T10:49:00.000+11:00

genius we knew, but handsome to boot!

2005-12-23T12:38:00.000+11:00

Jim-Jim's Tale

2005-12-17T15:57:00.000+11:00

Once upon a time there was a little girl rabbit named Jim-Jim. Jim-Jim was an ordinary little rabbit except for the fact she had an extra ear. All her life her mother had told her how lucky she was to have such a gift. Jim-Jim, on the other hand, had, her whole life, hated the third ear. It caused her to stand out, quite like the superfluous ear itself stood out.
On the morning of Jim-Jim’s one fourth and a quarter anniversary of life she decided she could take no more, not one more day could this go on. Indeed not another second.
As Jim-Jim’s ears were having breakfast she whispered into the third and asked if they might engage in conversation and while No. 3 may have been awfully embarrassing, it was equally keen to please and jumped up straight away and went aside with the young bunny.
“Ear number three,” confided Jim-Jim, “I know you love me and would do anything for me, and I know also how intuitive you are. So really this must come as no surprise to you.”
Ear number three began to sob, because as Jim-Jim had said it was so very intuitive and knew just what it was Jim-Jim was going to say. In shaking tones the ear began, “Oh little bunny say no more, but please have time to hear. You know how much you mean to me and I know what I mean to you. Oh little bunny for one fourth and a quarter of your life have I been your ear and have heard so many grievous things. I knew this day would one day come and with it bitter sweetness. You must go your way, and, I my own.”
Jim-Jim, though bewildered by the ears eloquence, was relieved the surplus appendage, which had brought so much anguish to her past, understood.
Ear number three packed its things and bid a teary goodbye to Jim-Jim and her regulation ears. “This may, after all, not be the end.” With that the ear was off.
Jim-Jim, after briefly grieving, started to enjoy her new life as a rabbit who blended in with the rest of her warrens inhabitants. At the bowling alley no one made jokes about her looking like a 1-7-10 split, at the hare salon no body teased, ‘Want us to plait your ears?’ and best of all, when she went out to the dance club and every rabbits favourite song, The Hop, came on, a little boy rabbit named Flo asked her to dance.
Over in Australia though, where ear number three had migrated, there was little luck. This lonely little ear without a head to stand on was unwanted and unneeded.
Meanwhile in Subterranean Middle Europe Jim-Jim and Flo were having the time of their lives. No human had taken any of their paws for good luck and rabbit stew was unmistakeably un-trendy.
One night however while Jim-Jim and Flo were out dancing, during a particularly energetic dance, Flo happened to bounce a little too high. He bumped his head and thumped to the ground. The jolt caused his normally well groomed hair, which he kept brushed forward, to ruffle out of position, revealing a shockingly exposed extra set of eyes! Not just one extra eye but two. A whole other set! Flo squealed and darted from the club. The other rabbits’ laughter chased him out the door. Jim-Jim stood stunned. “An extra set of eyes?” she thought, “I had no idea.” She raced to find Flo. All over Holesville she searched for him. She couldn’t find him anywhere. Jim-Jim decided she’d wait back at his burrow. “Surely he’ll come back sometime.”
Nearing Flo’s sleeping quarters Jim-Jim heard soft murmurings coming from a dark tunnel that she knew was a dead end. She crept down it, the murmurings turning into quite familiar voices, one of which she hadn’t heard for a long, long time.
Yes. As she got to the tunnels end, Jim-Jim knew undoubtedly who it was consoling Flo. Ear number three turned and faced Jim-Jim. “You never knew but we share a magical bond my dear little bunny. However far apart we may rest our weary selves, I always hear what ears number one and two do. I heard the jeering laughter. I knew I alone could console.”
“But how did you…” Jim-Jim perplexed.
“A magical bond I can tell you we have, though I can not explain its powers. It matters not. What matters is that we are reunited. And I believe we shall never part again.”
“Oh I love you Ear,” gushed Jim-Jim, “and from now on I’ll never regard you as extra, for you are truly equal. I have seen the error of my ways and shall indulge in my uniqueness and that of my dear Flo’s!”from that time on Jim-Jim, Flo and the newly equalised ear number three, and of course his souvenir Gold Coast earring, lived a harmonious life together in Subterranean Middle Europe.

10 really good lines from sodastream songs

2005-12-13T17:48:00.000+11:00

a) i know god is good, he's done nothing for me. except sit by the door and bury me in weakness.
b) ...and though he pleaded with me to be patient, still i cut him like a two-bit whore.
c) i wont recognise you. always despise but i'll hold your hand.
d) shuffle on in you better watch your mouth. i've got a feeling i've lost control
e) where i've been called and through what changes i've run. through indiscretions i've come. though it's been a long time since i've seen you, won't you come end this one
f) though I knew you were to fall, take this will I see you burning bright. 'cause you and me, we were able to, able to laugh. spring came. grew wings again and left no hope
g) oh what a weekend i was feeling a little strange. a little dim. i walked out i walked out. now i'm done with everything
h) the time is now to come of age. pack up your doubts don't let them find their feet again
i) don't go out and don't give in. my head is in this country now and tells me i can win
j) i would like to see you in the storm and god he tore your hand from me. i'm lying open and my head is running free. i've got to know i've got to shoulder this one

hmmm, quite thematic. 10 was easy, i coulda just kept going. i was very restrained, only putting down lines or verses, not whole songs.

MY LIST!

2005-12-05T10:52:00.000+11:00

EVERYONE SEEMS TO LOVE A GOOD LIST. I DONT KNOW IF MINE'S GOOD OR NOT BUT HERE GOES...

-geoff rowley kicks the skateboarding worlds arse
-as do dollin (aus pride), greco and boulala, more to come... billy marks, shane cross (more aus)... still thinking
-miyazaki fuckin rules the cartoon industry. no question.
-except maybe if kricfalusi put his hand up.. ahh, these two are equal for completely different reasons.
-i'm listening to the decemberists and they're good too
-WEEN
-my unicycle is cool! so's the rest of my juggly stuff. once it's begun, it's endless fun.

-i like alcohol a little bit...

-music
-food, oh how i love fine food
-i'm really starting to appreciate my copic markers.
-movies at the movies
-dark films! city of lost children and delicatessen are prime examples of film perfection
-comfy shoes, actually, comfy everything. comfort RULES
-the word 'RAD'...