THE TRUE STORY OF STONE SOUP. AS TOLD BY ME, VILLAGE KING. pt2

THE TRUE STORY OF STONE SOUP. AS TOLD BY ME, VILLAGE KING

An Educational, Quin-Lingual Journey through Non-Linear Time

In the kitchen I commanded De Home, “Cast down your stone and have it bear soup!”
“God of my life…”
“As I should be.” I felt compelled to stately interrupt yet again.
“I will need use of your cauldron. And water.”
Due to my curiosity, ‘twas my will to allow him use of both.
“Witches! Flee now from my cauldron or suffer the sting of my sabre!”
My witches scurried from my presence and left my cauldron pristine as is stated in the contract their lives are bound by. “Now, De Home. Cook me soup!
De Home began to arrange flaming logs beneath my cauldron and soon the many litres of water within were boiling furiously. Sitting in the bottom of the cauldron was the magic stone. After ten minutes of observing the bubbling contents of my giant tub I was understandably irritated at having not yet been offered refreshment of the magical soupy variety. “De Home. Scum of the earth and bane of my minute. Is the soup yet ready for I to devour?”
“I will check now S…” He started.
“Then stop your incessant blabbering and tweetering and do so you foolhardy pain to my ears!” was the conclusion I gave him.
With some unwarranted confidence the scouse did dip a ladle from my bluestone wall into the vat of clear liquid. He lifted it to his dry filthy lips and sucked it back.
“Well?”
With a curious furrow upon his brow, he too slowly informed me, “It is good, however,” his use of the word however caused me to wretch dryly for he was attempting seemingly to appear more intelligent than reality suggested. “If it were to have a little salt added, I believe it would improve threefold, oh Lord of all Men, Women, Children and Swine.”
If salt was all the dish needed to be improved thrice then I would consent to it, bothered greatly or no.“Add the salt promptly Man-Swine or have my excessively large golden anvil break your feet and my priceless sickle of blinding emerald shave your head from your shoulders!”

still to be continued...